I was just about to take a much needed break.

Relax a little.

Get some fresh air.

Shoes were lined up ready, I grabbed my phone quickly and somehow stumbled across this YouTube video.

Um ok.

I knew I HAD to discuss this with y'all.

So I did what any self respecting newsletter founder does when a stranger on the internet makes a claim like that.

I ran out the door like a frantic crazy woman, quickly picked up what I needed from the shops.

And sprinted back home, hopping straight onto my laptop to dig in deeper.

Yes I know, very relaxing.

But I'm sure you can understand my intrigue.

Herbold30s is an empowering newsletter helping burned out 30 something year olds go after a more fulfilling career and quit the corporate rat race.

Yet it seems that women who go after their careers are doing so at their own peril, risking their marriages.

I mean let's start with the headline: that successful women, specifically breadwinners, are the least happy women.

There's actually real data behind this.

One widely reported breakdown of divorce records found that marriages where the woman out earns her husband have a divorce rate roughly three times higher than marriages where the man earns more.

Noticeably, female breadwinner households which make up only a small slice of all households represent a disproportionate share of divorces.

I mean, wow.

So are we saying that women who get the promotion, or build the successful business, are doomed in their marriages?

It's actually not as simple as that.

Surprisingly, it's not even really about the money.

Researchers who've actually dug into this keep landing on the same explanation. The marriages that struggle most tend to be the ones where the woman brings home the paycheque and still does the lion's share of the childcare and housework. Studies looking at this pattern have found those particular set ups carry higher rates of conflict, including in some research higher rates of infidelity and abuse from the lower-earning partner. It's not the income gap doing the damage. It's the double shift.

And when you flip the household to one where the dad who earns less is also genuinely pulling his weight at home? That resentment gap tends to close right up.

But here's where it gets confusing.

Researchers don't actually agree on this. One US study using long-term survey data found that who earns more has no measurable effect on marital satisfaction at all. Full stop. Other research, including a large longitudinal study out of Australia, found couples reported less satisfaction specifically when they transitioned into the wife out earning the husband, particularly if it happened because he lost his job rather than because she got promoted.

So the honest answer is: it depends. It depends on whether the shift into breadwinner status was chosen or forced on the household. It depends on whether both of you actually believe, deep down, that this is fine, not just say it's fine. It depends, overwhelmingly, on who's doing the school run.

I decided to put my Inspector Poirot hat on and explore ze internets for further information.

Reddit never lets me down. You need to read user Tiny Ordinary’s story.

In the thread above, a Reddit user suggests using a system created by Eve Rodsky called Fair Play.

Fair Play identifies the 100 main tasks in any relationship, and then divides those tasks fairly (not necessarily equally) so that both parties contribute their fair share.

If your marriage needs some support, the book and cards have been spoken highly of and could be a great way to split the mental load.

But I want to hear from you on this one, honestly. Are you the higher earner in your house? Does it feel even, or does it feel like a second job nobody's paying you for?

Or is this whole conversation completely alien to your relationship?

Hit reply. Tell me where you're at.

I can't wait to catch up next week 🖤

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DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial or legal advice and we are not certified financial advisers or lawyers! This newsletter is strictly educational. Please  consult with an independent financial advisor or lawyer for advice on your specific circumstances.